Toasty in bread
I feel like I have a hangover. It’s a bread hangover, or maybe a salt hangover. Either way, it does not feel good 😅.
I’ve noticed multiple times that when I’m cold (and it does get cold in Sydney in the winter — yes yes, I’ve lived in New York and it gets way colder there, but their insulation — and radiators, which are free of charge, that’s a whole other path of conversation — is infinitely better), I find myself hungry and wanting to eat more.
It’s a different kind of sensation of hunger, not an overwhelming feeling of being famished or a feeling of about to pass out from low blood sugar, but a quiet, softly relentless, gentle urge to add more fuel and substance into my body.
An observation, rather than a judgment: I noticed I get more hungry when I’m really cold, and can’t seem to stop eating. My therapist would be so proud of me for observing and not judging — not that the judgment doesn’t pop in from time to time again, especially as someone who’s had an eating disorder and still struggles with disordered eating and body image issues (This probably isn’t good for my health or weight, okay no, pause — release judgment and observe your self, in this moment). I’ve only noticed this happen in the winter, and I wonder: is it similar to how animals eat more during the winter in preparation for hibernation, and this urge I feel is rooted in biology and being a mammal?
I ate half a loaf of bread (six slices toasted with salted butter, the OG yum) in addition to my dinner, but I don’t feel bad about it. It’s interesting to observe too, that the outcome of something (in this case, eating lots of delicious bread) can be the same, but the feelings associated with that event (satiated and satisfied this time, sluggish and shameful other times) can be different based on the reason behind the action (“my body is cold and is trying to hibernate” — will fact check this later — as opposed to “my feelings are uncontrollable and I’m going to suppress my emotions with food”). Self-soothing can look the same, but the feelings and emotions can be something entirely different.
According to science, I’m not entirely wrong. A 2023 study in Nature showed that there are neural mechanisms that connect cold and hunger and modulate cold-triggered eating behaviour. Mammals automatically burn more energy to maintain body temperature when exposed to the cold, so it makes sense why they’d want to increase their caloric intake in order to balance the calories used to keep the body warm.
The there’s also the psychological factors: cold weather, and this recent bout of unrelenting rainy and cloudy days, can nudge people towards hearty, warm, and carbohydrate-rich foods to evoke that feeling of comfort. And let’s not forget the hormones, especially hormones in the female body, that can play with — or wreck havoc on — the mind and body and what they need.
So maybe with this, I can beat myself up less and recognize, understand, and build empathy for my body. I can observe what’s going on and then pause and make recommendations, take actions, on what she needs next. Maybe it’s buttered bread on toast, or maybe it’s a luxuriously thick blanket, wrapped around her, curled up toasty in bed.