Rain, rain is here to stay

It has been torrentially down pouring the past two days, and raining for the past three weeks.

It’s miserable.

Today was the wettest day of the year, the wettest August since 1998 (damn!) and there’s only more rain to come (fuck). Flood warnings are in full effect and I now keep an extra pair of socks in my bag to prevent gangrene. According to meteorologists, it’s due to three weather systems coming together to form the perfect storm (pun intended), but to me it feels like something sent by the heavens as the cherry on top to an existing feeling of dread.

Dread. That’s what it is — the elusive word for what I’ve been feeling but unable to name. As it gets closer to my visa expiration date (mid-December) and as potential paths to sponsorship dwindle smaller and smaller, my anxiety, stress — and dread — increases daily. It feels harder to function with this overlooming state of doom and the fear and uncertainty of what is to come if — if — I don’t receive sponsorship.

I’m actually not even sure if my family and friends back home even know that I want to stay in Sydney. Based on some of the offhanded comments some friends have made, I wonder if they think my time here was a lark, not realizing that I moved with the intention and purpose of moving here. I don’t know if my parents actually realize how much I love it here and want to stay here, but for both groups that’s 99% on me for not explicitly expressing it to them (the other 1% is my parents’ failure to read my mind because c’mon, I’m their child).

Needless to say, the torrential downpour is not doing anything for my mood, nor my preference to destress by walking in fresh air, though it’s a great excuse to nap after teaching and take it easy for the rest of the day. I’m going to listen to my friend and his words of wisdom that the universe has something great in store for me — it’s just going to come after the rain.