My daily dose of humor
I smell like ass. LOL.
*for the boomers, LOL is an acronym for “laughing out loud”.I’m currently wearing a heart rate (HR) monitor to continuously and accurately track my heart rate over the next 14 day and see if there are any abnormal rhythms. The cardiologist will then analyze that data with the electrophysiologist (I get to use big fancy words now, woo!) to determine whether or not I’ll require a defibrillator. Nope not going there — not something I’m going to think about right now.
The monitor itself is a tiny little thing - well, a tiny two little things. It consists of two little circles attached to my skin via and adhesive in the shape of a two-pronged fidget spinner and an ugly gray button sits between the two monitors. I’m supposed to press the button if I notice any unusual symptoms such as chest pain, faintness, or headache but, with the exception of chest pain, all of these symptoms are ones that could easily be a result of something completely unrelated to my heart (didn’t eat enough food? nursing a hangover?). This feels reminiscent of COVID when we were all trying to figure out if symptoms (fever, sneezing, coughing) were COVID or just a good old common flu or head cold. In any case, at least it’s a lot more fashionable than the heart rate monitors of the old days.
The annoying thing about the HR monitor is that it’s not waterproof. The instructions say that you can take a shower as long as your back is facing the water, so I’m assuming the monitor is at least water resistant, but you know what they say about assuming: my fifth grade math teacher would always say when you “assume” you make an ‘ass’ out of both ‘u’ (you) and ‘me’.
I didn’t want to ruin the HR monitor data with my desire to stay and smell clean, so I got a little creative with my waterproofing. Cue in the high-tech combination of Saran wrap + waterproof medical adhesive.
Quite the engineering feat.
Now this waterproofing worked decently enough! It worked well enough where I felt confident taking a long hot shower to wash my hair, a true luxury after a year of quick showers to avoid getting hostel bathroom fungus.
This morning (day 3 of waterproofing) I noticed some water bubbles under the Saran wrap. I tore off the medical adhesive (ow!) and used my fingers to dry off the spaces between the button, my skin, and the HR monitor adhesive. That’s when I noticed a funky, or should I say a ~ funky ~ smell in the air. I couldn’t fathom where that smell was coming from until I sniffed my fingers: I guess the water that sneaked its way under the waterproofing (false marketing, CVS!) became trapped in the Saran wrap bubble, merrily mixed itself with sweat and body heat and created a humid breeding ground for body odor.
Yup. Smells like ass.
Up close and personal.